I had a practicum on monday. it's kind of a practical test u got to pass in order to become a relief teacher for the tution centre i am currently working at now. i never taught before and yesterday i had to teach in front of a class of 10 students. it's full of anxiety actually. well, according to Goffman's impression management, i need to present myself in such a way that i am confident enough and able to teach a class. In the dramaturgical approach, i am the "performer", the students are my audience, my preparation for the worksheet as my props, i presented myself as a good teacher to guide them through the worksheet, and in return, they respected me as a teacher by participating in my lesson and remained well-behaved. I did it and it was really not bad, a very very good experience and the tester was quite satisfied as well. cheers !!
Right here today, i am going to blog about my real confession, nothing but the truth, though it will affect me quite negatively. i would like to tell everyone that i am not a good guy actually. do u believe it? we shall see from below.
Few years back during my jc time, i got the habit to go online and know girls. well, i can say that it was my sort of 桃花 period. when i was in J1, i knew a girl from irc called joanne, she's one year older than me. she's from nyjc in her 2nd year. somehow we clicked and we chatted on the phone almost every night. and we became closer and became online couple because we have not met each other yet. i remembered it was near the end of the year because she's busy preparing for her A's level. though she's very busy with her studies, she still cares a lot for me. it's really nice to have that feeling when someone is so concerned for you. As she's one year older than me, it's sort of 姐弟恋. she's very sweet toward me and i am also somehow fond of her, so we decided to meet after her examinations. that was our first date and it turned out to be the last one as well. i met her in orchard for lunch and then a christmas movie. she didn't turned out to be the same as what i had been perceiving from her pictures. she was abit plump during that time. (for here i need to tell you guys, i somehow discriminate over-weighted girls.) and i cann't stand a plump girl to be my girlfriend, because i cared alot for my image. i am definitely as high self-monitor, someone that cares really alot about his appearance, behaviour and characteristics. we finished our movie and i sent her home, didn't say much of these stuffs till i was on the way home. she knew i don't like plump girls. she told me that she has been dieting and jogging for that period after we knew each other. she got a weak liver and cannot exercise too much, but still she went exercising for me!!! but i was just simply too immature at that time. before this, we exchanged christmas present, i told her i like personalised gift. she recorded a disc of love songs specially for me, her 1st time doing this and also drew a drawing of us together. i still kept them intact till now. it was really sweet of her, but i don't know why i am so stupid, so foolish, so cruel, so cold-hearted to let her down. she went for united state for one year plus just because of this incident. i knew i really hurt her a lot. now she has already slimmed down to be a beauty and got her career as well. i tried to contact her back few months back, but she already changed her mobile number. i got her address in orchard area, not sure if she's still living there. should i go look for her one day in december and sincerely apologise to her? i am really a bad guy indeed.
After her, i got to know another girl from irc as well. she's called esther at that time. she was 14 while i were 18 during jc time. i actually went out with a 14 year old girl, can u believe it !!! she's sort of those ah lian type actually, so i weren't serious with her throughout that 2 months. we went out shopping, eating, ton-ing out at night. it was very enjoyable with her as she always acted cute and cheered me up. well, as she was only 14, she got some attitude problem, and soon we broke up and she went into a girl's home after that. currently, she's out and good wishes for her. told you guys i am really bad, to even play around with a 14 year old girl.
Got another girlfriend from tp after that, but it didn't last long as well. perhaps the problem really lie within me. from then till now, i am always been single, but perhaps flirting around? definitely it's flirts, that's why i didn't tell much people about it. in army time, i liked a girl. i thought i stand quite a chance in wooing her actually, but i don't know what screwed up in the end as well. perhaps this is a karma for me because i really hurted some girls in the past, and that's why if time can turn back, i would definitely go back to jc time and salvage the situation.
End of my confession!! so have you guys concluded me as a bad guy? would u still like to befriend me? if you decided not to, do tell me and tag at my cbox, i am alright with it. :)
P.S. there will be another confession on my 200th post, so do stay tune if you are interested.
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